:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
