I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
