Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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