apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
