Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
