Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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