what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
