Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
