You can't special order awesome
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
