When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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