wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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