We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
