Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
