whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize