I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
