Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
