Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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