Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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