Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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