Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
