Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
His nipple licking is glorious
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