mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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