I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize