Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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