Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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