The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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