I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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