I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
