do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My dick has a subreddit
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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