In the future we'll all be gay
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
