I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize