wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
