evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
