dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
