I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
