Screwed.edu
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
