i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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