Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
