Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
