i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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