Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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