she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
