TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
