If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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