blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
