Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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