I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
