i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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