nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
