I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
