yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
