Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
