So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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