Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
