Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
