Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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