Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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