I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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