she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
