I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i think i have two assholes
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
