We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize