Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
