She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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