Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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