My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
