Where did you get a picture of my penis
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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