i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
