Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
