I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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