YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize