He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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