garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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