They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
