its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
