i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
