Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
