Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize