who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
God, I missed his penis.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
