3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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