that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
