I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
