I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
