When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
