How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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