We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Can I color on your dick again?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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