i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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