well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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