I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize