I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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