do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize