I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
