Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
